NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

ORIGINAL BY CLEMENT CLARKE MOORE PARODY BY AMY TOUROND

’Twas two weeks before Christmas, when all across the land Every creature was stirring, even my Weimarman; The tree was all decked, and the presents were wrapped, As we sat with our bevies, enjoying a nightcap

The grey dogs were primed, looking for Chip [the resident squirrel] While visions of squirrels had them doing backflips And me in my lulus, and Greg in his robe Snuggled with Marina, our little red Dobe.

When out in the yard there arose such a clatter I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter. Away to the lanai I stumbled outside Startling the dogs who all went to hide

Then, what to my wondering eyes was a blossom But a big ol’ fat upside down ‘possum With each dog checking by a poke of the nose I suspected the critter was just having a doze

More worried than normal, I called them to come in I screamed and I shouted for Greg to pour me a gin Now Lizzie! Now Reesa! Now Juicy and Mousse Get your butts in the house; You’re not on the loose!

Off to the left and off to the right They dashed in the door to call it a night

But out in the yard the critters were moving With nocturnal rodents dancing and grooving

And then I heard Lizzie giving ‘em hell Barking and growling because the ‘possum was well Up on his feet and walking around The vermin – he tricked them – his freedom was found.

I got the dogs settled Just one more time Their beds were waiting, for them to curl up Their bellies were full, from peanut butter cups Their cute little faces were so innocent I love them so much, for me they were meant!

We headed to bed and gave them some love And said a thankful prayer to the big guy above.

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